SAFE SPACE

Communication is critical to every relationship. Whether a conversation is between an employer and an employee, a vendor and a consumer, a parent and their child, close or distant relatives, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers, all parties can benefit from healthy communication. It increases the chances of resolving conflicts without resorting to regrettable actions. It encourages and enforces stronger bonds. And best of all, it allows us to be the best versions of ourselves for the betterment of everyone.

Make the world a better place by entering a SAFE SPACE.

Stories — Storytelling is how we convey our thoughts through example. It helps us engage with someone, providing the type of clarity necessary for understanding a message. Knowledge of the world has been passed down for generations through storytelling. Stories do not discriminate. Thoughts and memories can be conveyed in any language or any gesture, by the deaf and the hearing, by the blind and the sighted, by our ancient ancestors and by our own children. We are all one. Simply taking the opportunity to explain something clearly when the easier option is walking away in silence and frustration can make a huge difference. We can learn about each other’s cultures, admit to our faults, provide lessons, offer context, and inspire the masses. Honesty goes a long way.

Affirmation — Affirmations are positive statements that act as a cleansing mechanism for the mind. On the surface, affirmations can simply be described as confirming the truth. But what makes it so much more important than a surface-level definition? Some people fall into spells of self-doubt, sabotaging their ability to accept their own thoughts even when they are right. Mental illnesses can be debilitating. Once you find difficulty in believing in your own discoveries, your own stories, and your own truths, it becomes even more difficult to contribute to a conversation with any sense of confidence in yourself. While the following does not always fix everything in an instance, sometimes all you need is for somebody to tell you, “Hey, you’re right. Your thoughts are valid. Please, feel free to share more.” So, go out and be that person for someone else. And when no one else is around, you can try to be that person for yourself as well.

Feelings — We all have them. What we do (or don’t do) with our feelings can come down to genetics, personality, learning, life experiences, trauma, pressure, opportunity, and split-second decision-making. A lot goes into how we feel. You may not even know exactly how you feel at any given moment. But when you do, it is important to convey those feelings in a positive and constructive way. When arguing, do you have a tendency of using accusatory language that starts with, “You did this thing that was bad…”? That’s ok. It’s a common habit that we can remedy. We can learn to adjust. Try this instead: “I feel uncomfortable when…” Replace “uncomfortable” with whatever you are feeling and offer the example of what made you feel that way. You cannot control how another person is feeling or reacting, nor should you have that power. What you can do is offer how you are feeling as context. Allow the other person some time to do the same, or let them go first even. Listen to and understand how the other person is feeling. Both of you should try to empathize with each other’s situations and perspectives before progressing with an argument. You’d be surprised how easy it is to interpret something incorrectly when rushing into a response and projecting your emotions onto the other person. Remember, there are many words and phrases in our languages that mean two different things. Take a moment to consider what the person might be trying to convey and hope that they give you the same benefit of the doubt.

Encouraging Words — Some people just want to feel like they belong. Others just want the recognition they deserve. Some just want respect. And others just want peace of mind. I bet you do too. We should all strive to help others know that they matter to us. Offer some words of encouragement, not only to those who need it but also to everyone in general. You never know who can use a pick-me-up on a Tuesday morning. Everyone deserves to live, learn, and work in an environment that welcomes them. Make your environment a better place by giving praise to even the smallest positive efforts. A simple “Good job” message goes a long way if you’ve never said it before. Don’t forget to congratulate somebody on a milestone or achievement. It’s not soft or weak. It’s not “they’ll just give out a participation award to anybody nowadays.” It’s human decency. And it certainly doesn’t hurt to tell somebody that they handled a difficult situation really well. Even if you think someone may already be proud, hearing it from someone else is an incredible confidence-booster.

Silence, Practice Listening — Nonverbal communication is just as important as verbal communication. The way you conduct yourself when someone else is talking reveals how much you value them. This is your time to step aside and let them express themselves. Venting can be cathartic for people under stress. It can be easy to fall into solution mode. But sometimes, people just need someone to lend them an ear. There doesn’t always have to be an answer to someone’s problem. In some scenarios, the greatest gift you can give them is an uninterrupted moment to let it all out. Just be there for them. Offer them a judgment-free zone. Show interest with your facial expressions and body language. Dedicate what they are saying to memory. Digest the information and the emotions. Be patient. If your goal is to get to the end of their turn so that you can have yours, you probably aren’t paying enough attention to their final and most critical thoughts. Let them speak. Process it all. And if they wish for a response, then you can develop one.

Positivity and Laughter — Sometimes, the best way to promote positivity is by actively removing negativity. Show that you do not tolerate words and actions that are designed to make life harder for others. Rid your environment of racism, sexism and misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, segregation of all kinds, ableism, physical and verbal misconduct, unfair bias, and inequity. By not allowing these things to exist, you are revealing your positive intentions and support for others. You open up a sense of comfort and opportunity that may not have been there previously. That being said, also let this be a reminder that jokes do not have to be disparaging toward someone to be funny. If your humor banks solely on the negative imagery of a culture, an involuntary impairment, or a minority, toss it out and never look back. The best kind of laughter is when it is shared, not directed. Use humor as a way to connect with others, to make light in the world, to strengthen a bond over a shared experience, and to release tension.

Advice — As you know, advice can be given and received. For the givers, it is an opportunity to give back to the world. We don’t all have the means to make hefty donations and give back in physical or monetary ways. But one thing you can always give out for free at any time is knowledge. For the receivers, it is an opportunity to learn something that may not have been accessible otherwise. No matter what stage of life you are in, how “successful” anyone thinks you are, or how motivated you are, you have knowledge that can benefit someone else, and someone else has knowledge that can benefit you. If someone you know has a problem that you have some experience with and desires a solution or a good way to handle it, that is your opportunity to contribute to the relationship in an effective way that will benefit that person and strengthen your bond with them. You are proving to them that they mean a lot to you, that their wellbeing is important to you, that they can trust you, and that both of you can rely on each other. In addition, you are reinforcing the positive words and actions in your own mind, leaving you with more confidence in that area. Please be aware, giving unsolicited advice that is not critical to someone’s livelihood when they explicitly ask you not to is highly discouraged. Advice is best given to those who absolutely need it most or those who ask for it. And to fellow educators, we can learn just as much from our students as they do from us. They may lack experience in terms of age, but everyone has their own fresh perspective on the world. Teaching does not have to be a one-way transaction of thoughts.

Compliments — Giving someone a compliment is the most simple and direct form of positive communication, and it costs nothing at all. Before getting into it, let’s put to rest the notions that a compliment must be about a person’s appearance, must be directed at a love interest, and only has flirtatious intentions behind it. These are fundamentally untrue. A compliment can be given by anybody to anybody without any implications of an intimate relationship. It can serve as a reminder to a person that you respect and appreciate them. You can use it to show that person a positive side of themselves that they may have been less than confident about. Oftentimes, when providing constructive criticism to someone, including a compliment shows that you are not just trying to gang up on them with nothing but imperfections. Similar to words of encouragement, a compliment can be about someone’s efforts toward accomplishing a task and your willingness to promote that kind of behavior. Try to take into account that some people rarely receive compliments. They may not be sure how to react, but that does not mean they do not deserve them. Lastly, be sure to avoid sensitive topics, eliminate downright misogynistic compliments from your language, and do not offer unsolicited compliments toward someone that clearly or vehemently does not want them.

Elevate Others — A great quality of a positive communicator is when you can see the good in somebody–anybody–and inspire them to keep growing and succeeding with zero expectations of anything in return. Elevate, by definition, means to raise something to a higher position. A skilled communicator can elevate themselves in any context to gain more power, abuse privilege, boast knowledge, create a network, and to have more of an impact. While the corporate world rewards such behavior, skilled communication does not have to lack morals. A true global citizen who seeks to be the best versions of themselves will take the time to look back and give a hand to those behind them and pull them along. After all, no one achieves much of anything without some type of help one way or another. As one soars, one should remember who helped them fly. Real change in the world begins when more people are included and pay it forward. See each other as allies, companions, and friends through the exciting, yet challenging, adventure called life. The reward will be tenfold sweeter because you did it together. It is perhaps poetic to end on “elevate others” in SAFE SPACE as it is essential to take all the skills mentioned above to be able to reach the next chapter of our stories. We as humans rise when we elevate each other.

I do not claim to be an expert at these 9 concepts. Heck, I’m not even an expert in 1 of them. That’s not what the page is all about. We don’t need to be perfect. We don’t need to know everything. I didn’t make this page without help. Four wonderful people dedicated their time and effort to help me find the right words when I was stumped. That’s the point. Healthy communication creates something special. It can be as big as a community. It can be as little as this page. What we should strive to do is to take baby steps in the right direction. Be conscious of the decisions you make and things you say. Keep making mistakes, but recognize them. Try to learn from them. Work on it. I’m working on it every day. Sometimes, I take steps backward. I’m not proud of it. But I’m human. What I won’t accept is letting myself quit. I use this page to hold myself accountable. I can always improve. And we can all take little strides forward together. SAFE SPACE isn’t about curing someone. There is nothing to cure. Those 9 concepts serve as the light that guides your path and helps you see the big picture a little better. But the path itself is yours to shape and yours to navigate. I’m rooting for you. I’d be delighted if you can take at least one positive thing from this and apply it to your life. I wish you all happiness and comfort.

This page was initially created to help people learn about each skill and utilize the helpful advice of other websites to improve those skills. That is still the intention of this page. Eventually, resources will be added to this page so that any viewer can click on them, learn how to improve their SAFE SPACE skills from more perspectives than one, and promote healthy communication in their own lives. Also eventually, there will be some graphics to make it less plain. Thank you for your patience. This page means a lot to me.

Special thanks to Mark Torres, April Tsuei, Jenna Ward, and Hiroki Yamaguchi for inspiration and for their contributions to this page. SAFE SPACE wouldn’t have been made possible if it weren’t for them.

Special thanks to all of my friends and family who ensure that I never have to navigate life alone. I owe so much of my personality, personal accomplishments, happiness, and comfort to your efforts. It will never go unrecognized.

Special thanks to all of the professors at El Camino College and Cal State Long Beach who taught me so much during some really tough times. Your lessons and support helped me improve my mentality and allowed me to hone the skills that formed this website and the content.